hello hello. just have a lil bit of stuff running through my mind right now, i feel like typing it all out. just cuz i do. i wanna go get a smoke but i dunno where i left mine and i dont wanna get out of my bed... oh well... well lets see, what is on my mind. my head is always so cloudy lately. usually i do my thing at work, its six hours, sometimes eight if i wanna work overtime. i make good money but like 99.999999999 percent of it goes to paying off credit cards, my old college, my cell phone bill, health and car insurance. i guess that's life. all the debt i have right now will eventually go away, i mean if i didnt have to make a 200 dollar payment to my fucking old school id be aight.. and i only have like 7 payments left so.. chea!

well. i must say. my two main sources of pleasure in life.........are as follows.... in first? ashley, of course, duh. we work good as a team, i kind of like that. she has her license test on monday, so i took her up to melrose and took her through the whole license test, told her every little detail of everything she has to do, all that stuff. i hope she passes. it's not necessarily that i want her to be more independent, it's just i want her to have what she should have. and if i can help her get there, then that is great. no girl ive ever dated has had their license haha... and ashley has a car and everything. a nice little four cylinder 1991 plymouth shitbox that can make 15 dollars worth of gas last a week and a half. she can get herself to work and to go shopping by herself and run any little errands i'd find boring, all by herself, or alone with her friends, or go wherever she wants to go. that's a giant leap in the independance department, and i think i'd like it. not that i dont love spending time with ashley!!!!! its just yanno maybe she could go get her nails done herself n shit... hahaha...it's all just a part of growing up. she can drive herself to her GED test too.

i never ever ever ever not even once thought negatively about ashley dropping out of high school. shit, i would have been better off dropping out asap and rushing to get my GED. my only motivation to finish high school was so i could get the fuck out of there forever. it wasn't that i didnt have friends, that was quite possibly the best part about high school, besides the fact that i was a loud, annoying prick for a year or two, i had a good amount of friends, enough acquaintances and a handful of enemies. (i'd love to come face to face with the prick that slashed my tires. what a fucking dope, lol ) .. but the best part about not being in high school is that it's just that much easier to pick who you want to and who you don't want to see. granted, there is a lot of people who've tried to get a hold of me that i just haven't gotten the chance to get back to... but thats just how life works, the time just isnt there.

well anyways, back to my thoughts on school.... school was never normal to me. my mother was absolutely convinced i was fucking retarded or something. by the first grade, i had every fucking syndrome ever discovered, i guess. they thought i had tourettes. they thought i was autistic. they thought i had ADHD, they thought i had aspberger's syndrome. they thought i was violent. uh.. anyone who knows me can vouch for me now.. i'm not exactly hard to open up to, i'm not shy, i can handle myself quite well. i don't tick. it's not hard for me to socialize. for fucks sake, i was just a shy little kid. up until the sixth grade, everyone was convinced i was some sort of child prodigy because i had a college reading level in the first grade and i could do algebra. not to mention the fact that the entire time i was doped up on ritalin and because of that i WAS afraid to socialize, i WAS afraid to do ANYTHING else but listen. in the second grade, i vividly remember being afraid to ask to go to the bathroom cuz i thought i would interrupt my teacher. so what did i do? i pissed myself. wow. maybe if parents took a step back and thought for a second, there would be a ton less psychotic fucking secluded creepy kids in schools. just a thought, but hey, what do i know?

and yeah, because i was this child prodigy that never had to even try in school, what do you think happened to me when i got to high school and i actually had to LEARN instead of "perform" for all of my teachers? i didnt know how to do it. i sunk like a fucking rock. i never learned how to properly study. and to be quite honest, i was fed up of being in school. now that i wasn't on some dopey pill, i wanted to go out and make friends and catch up with myself, so the academic side of things got put on the back burner. whatever. when i want to go back to school, i will. if i can avoid paying 10 to 30 grand a year and putting myself through financial hardship until i eventually break even, i am going to. i have high hopes with moving forward with my federal government job, hopefully someday (soon perhaps?) i can move up in the ranks with the Department of Homeland security.

i like my job. it isn't much, and i won't be able to support my own family with what i do now. but for being 19 years old, years away from having a family, this job is doing me good. i like work. i don't piss and moan before i drive four minutes to target every day like i used to. i throw on my uniform, drive to chelsea, take the shuttle to JetBlue in terminal C, do my job, try and make people laugh instead of cringe while they go through security, take some of the pressure off my supes, go home, and enjoy myself, or i enjoy myself with the company of my girlfriend or my friends. i like it, i honestly do. and the thing is, by the time i decide i want to start a family, there is a really good possibility that the promotion(s) will come my way and enable me to do so comfortably. i'm one of the youngest people there. i'm not working there as a job just as i finish up college or whatever. the potential is there to grasp a good position someday. hopefully things will work out.

that's another thing. i AM 19. i can't see myself not being with ashley... she is on the right track.. in a way i guess i try and motivate her big-time now so that things are easier in the future. i learn alot from my parents, and their mistakes. that's what life is all about. improving and making the best out of every situation. me and ashley don't just go out. we haven't just dated for the past 14 months. we have grown together. we are happy together. we do sporadically fight, we have disagreements, we get mad, certain things we do piss eachother off sometimes. but we're growing together. that's what it comes down to. we work everything out, and i'll go ahead and say that 95 percent of the time, me and ashley are happy and doing great. i see her being a huge staple in my life... yes, i've had other girlfriends. i told my ex-girlfriend i loved her. well, as a senior in high school, let me just tell you that at that road in your life, you can't even comprehend how much you have to learn. me and ashley are on the same grounds. we are both taking the same path in life. i don't think that path will separate. we know eachother inside and out. we are very close and very comfortable with eachother.. it is awesome.

i want to be with her for as long as i'm here. i want to keep growing with her.

i've seen alot of shit happen in nineteen years... well i think so, atleast. between the obvious things with my ex that happened... to my best friend and cousin fucking some girl i used to like (we never really brought that up... yeah ive grown up alot since then. i woulda done the same thing too. no hard feelings) .. to people i never thought would break up.. breaking up. i analyze everything that happens. ever. i swear. i'm nuts. i just can't see how we'd crash and burn. everyone i know who's relationship has went down the shitter, my self included, there's just been a hidden element, or an imbalance, or two people just weren't compatible.. you know? like something was fucked up. me and ashley are not fucked up. we are two honest people. we value eachother more than anything. all that's stopping us from living together is the two separate roofs over our heads that we fall asleep under. and you know what? i think by this time next year, we will be living together, and we will be supporting ourselves, and we will have grown that much more. call me crazy. it's not like i'm some lovestruck fifteen year old that just likes to flaunt the fact that i'm not single to everyone out there. this, to me, and to her, is one of the most serious things in our lives. in my head, i don't think there is any way at all that we won't be taking a cruise to jamacia together sometime down the road. she knows what i mean.

never got around to that second thing that gives me pleasure in life! it's my car!!! duh. i love my car. i'm in it even more then i'm in ashley! lmao... yup. my blue 98 mustang with the killer sound system and the gray leather. just fyi, i got my cold air, and i'm in the process of getting these sweet rims from a really cool guy in rhode island. yup. possible road trip potential with youness and i to go pick up those rims. i need tires in the worst way, for my safety and for others on the road. my tires fucking suck.i dont wanna get killed. :( . also, i want shocks and brake pads and new speakers (ahem potential christmas gifts lmao) ... my car just makes me feel good about myself. i enjoy driving it, i enjoy making it look good, i enjoy modifying it, i enjoy working on it with my friends. it's just a favorable hobby of mine.

that's about all i have to say. goddamn, that was long. just one more thing, if i haven't seen you in a while...give me a call!!! my phone number is on my facebook, go add me there and call me! don't think itll be weird calling out of nowhere, i like catching up with people. it'll be fanfuckingtastic, i guarantee it.

goodnight everyone (wow it took me like 50 minutes to type that)

Current Location: lick it
Feeling kinda: angstful
Bumpin:: asssss

i wanna give ashley a hug and a kiss. its been about 14 ish hours since ive done so. i gave my car a flowmaster muffler 2 days ago. next is CAI, which i need to order soon. i SHOULD pay my phone bill....but fuck that. lmao. i can be responsible but....... i really want a cold air intake. cingulars mad expensive ne ways.

got out early at work and the shuttle bus from the airport to chelsea parking garage dropped me off on north shore road. wtf? sweet.

i wanna work at shaws with ashley. i could get an extra 500ish bucks a month and be with her also. that seems like it could work out :/ no1 else will hire me cuz i already have a fucking job lol..

the bid for shifts is soon which means i might lose my 8 to 8 days, it may become 5 to 5. fuck!!!

w/e lol we will just wait and see. im in an extremely good mood. bye

Tags: sex
Current Location: sex
Feeling kinda: sexy
Bumpin:: sssssssssex

ok so... more then a few people think ive fallen off the face of the earth....well, shit happens. i did graduate from high school. i did go to college for a little while. it took me a couple months, but i finally have a pretty good job, and on tuesday i'll probably have two pretty good jobs. the focal point i'm trying to make here is that i'm not in college... i dropped out of college, it was too expensive and i wasn't interested enough in what i was doing. i would rather get burnt for 3,000 dollars then get burnt for 30,000 dollars in the long run. so, in order to pay for that, i work. alot. if i'm not going to school right now, i am not gonna waste my time doing absolutely nothing to advance my life to the next stages. i do have ambitions to move out and be on my own and prepare my life to the point where i can comfortably own a house and have a family and all that shit. it takes time. the sooner i get through this bullshit stage of my life, i can go ahead and get to the next stage.

i had no job for a month, i racked up 2500 on credit cards. i have a 90 dollar a month cellphone bill. insurance on a ford mustang is more then 300 dollars a month. i have to pay ben franklin institute, and a federal government loan, every month. i never have money but i am never late on a payment. i only work 30 hours a week as of the time of writing this, so i never really have any money to myself, besides money to buy gas and smokes and food.i could go ahead and not pay my bills and fuck up my future.but i dont. see, this is called responsibility. i have a perfect credit rating and i don't want to fuck that up and have to be dependent on everyone else for the rest of my life. after working twelve hour days all the time, i'm a little worn out. and to tell you the truth, most of the time it's just glorious to kick back on my time off and just take it easy. i'm probably about to be working 60 to 70 hours a week, i want to pay off everything to everyone i owe, and i'll have even less time to spend and less time to relax.

also take into consideration that i have a very serious girlfriend that i've been seeing for over a year now. guess what everyone? shit changes. life is full of changes. it's all part of growing up. obviously, i want to spend as much time with her as possible... and i do. i'm not ditching anyone. i'm just spending my time with who i want to spend it with. don't be offended, it's not like i hate anyone or anything. you would do the same. anyone without alot of free time would understand.

i dunno i guess im just frustrated and grumpy about everyone and everything lately. if ne1 has something to say then go ahead and say it.

---- s-rac -----

Feeling kinda: grumpy

so i havent updated this in 400 years, in the advent of everyone moving to school i believe i'll do so... a royal shitload has gone on that i havent updated about...well, i might have updated about it but if i did i forget haha...so i got fired from target. i think that's where i left off. i got fired about 12 hours after i posted a entry saying basically, i wish i would get fired.... that worked out great! i was fired for- get this- using the phone two weeks prior to that day to call and order a sandwich on my lunch break. yep, cuz nobody ever does that in target. good riddance. i can't necessarily say ive had more money since then though, my bills kinda prevent me from having any money at all. i'll get to that though. i worked at best buy for about a month, it was alright, but about 2 weeks after i started workin there, the TSA called me and offered me a job and said i'd begin training, coinciding with the time that i quit best buy, haha. one day after working a 9 hour shift, they sat me down and were gonna write me up.......cuz i had orange laces on my shoes, and because i cleaned the place up too early. whoops. sorry that it was dead in there all the time, my bad. i wasn't gonna take that retail store bullshit, im kinda sick of some 22 year old retail store manager preaching to me, so i just quit, lol... they wouldnt have flexed around my TSA schedule anyways... tsa is a great job. i work three days a week- friday, sunday, and monday. i work 8-1 and then 3-8, then im out. i wouldn't mind being full time and working another day... 30 hours is aight but im not one to complain bout making money. i get paid 14 bucks an hour with sunday and night differentials, so its not really bad...from 1-3 i can either go home and relax or go to ashleys and spend 2 hours with her which is always nice... and the work is cool too... i work in international at the airport so theres plenty of interesting folks. everyone i work with is hillarious too thus far.



to put things in retrospect, i am gonna be paying my school 200 bucks a month for the next 10 months...yeah, the school i went to and dropped out. my cingular bill is usually atleast 100 a month cuz i go over my minutes so bad. car insurance is 300. during my one month of unemployment, i racked up a sweet amount on my credit cards (i have 4 of them, two have no balance whatsoever and have gone thru the shredder... the other 2 combined is about 2500). minimum payments are 50 and 20 bucks which i've been doing for a while. um... i got rid of my truck so gas is alot cheaper, lets call it about 140 bucks a month. a federal student loan is 50 a month. so altogether... 720 a month, and i make about 1400. lets say i make about 1240 though cuz i have to pay for health insurance... haha itd be sweet if i could pay off my cred cards and school bills, then id be loaded...oh and i owe sprint 250 bucks cuz i canceled there shit haha

i applied for jobs at t-mobile and for lowes the past couple of days too. if i could work on my days off from tsa thatd be cool, id just use that check to pay off more of my bills, maybe move out n shit...which kinda gets me to my next subject....

wow. in five short days is me and ashley's one year anniversary. who in there right mind would have thought a girl would put up with my shit for this long!? haha, we're still an awesome couple. the only time we ever fight is if we're seriously stressing some shit.. like before ashley had surgery, legit hours before, we were snappin at eachother... but we are still an awesome couple, we have fun, we break down barriers every day, she is just an awesome person, my family and my friends and everyone loves her and loves her with me. and anyone out there that doesnt, well that's too damn bad, haha. i can honestly see me posting some shit next year about our 2-year.. we already have to go to cali and water country next year (woooooohoooooooooo for cali... mayb we can do water country on monday..anyone wanna come? lol) .... i dunno i wont gush about her but i love her alot!

oh yeah, i got rid of my pickup truck. it was too expensive to keep, and towards the end i guess the whole truck thing just kinda wore off for me... i hated feeling like i was gonna tip over all the time... the exhaust was too loud... i didnt have a tailgate cuz it was rusty...the underbody was all rusty... the brakes stuck, the shocks were going, it cost 75 bucks a week in gas, and i even started to think it was ugly! so i did an even trade for a 1998 ford mustang. it's fucking sexy. it's a V6, but it is still quick enough, and gets about 21 miles to the gallon too.. it has 4 wheel disc brakes, mustang GT rims, mustang stripes on the side, gray leather inside ( i burnt a hole with a cig in my seat today, omg im so mad, other then that its mint) .. has a subwoofer and a sony radio in it... i love it. eventually itll need new tires and it needs new brake pads (30 bucks at autozone).. and thats it! it has 28000 less miles then my truck did and it runs great. i plan on keeping it for as long as possible.

ashley needs to get her license so she can have a car so i can work on it...... lol

youness got a 97 cobra right before i got my stang... i can now drive five speed...sweet...

ummm...thats really about it, im just stallen before i go to bed now. hope t mobile calls me back, in lynn or in saugus, whatever... as long as im makin that.... money money, yea yea!

Current Location: reveah
Feeling kinda: sexy
Bumpin:: I feel like dying- lil wayne

i got a stang....galang a lang a lang